When doubt comes knocking at the door...

Trying to succeed as an actor is, at best of times, a very bumpy roller-coaster ride with many more lows than highs. Trying to do it whilst mourning the loss of a loved one, your wife, mother of your kids and overall best friend, is emotionally draining. Adding to the equation, a return to your normal day job after a 12 months break to care for the loved one you have now lost, can be a direct path to depression. 2016 has brought all of that to my life and I have to admit that I’m sometimes struggling to find the drive necessary to pursue my dream. My wife wasn’t rich, so she hasn’t left me a huge inheritance I and our kids can now live on, whilst enjoying ourselves doing what we like (that would be acting and driving round in a Ferrari for me), and since only 5% of actors on average make a living good enough to support their families (admittedly the earnings of the top 1% could probably provide the remaining 95% with a decent living if it was spread evenly), I’ve got to have a day job as well as trying to have an acting career. That takes time and dedication, especially when returning after a long break, and you have to find your marks again. I’ve had some good successes in 2016 though, the main one was being cast in BBC and ITV regular, and Oscar nominee Writer/Director’s Roger Goldby’s latest feature film ‘The Time Of Their Lives’, starring none other than Dame Joan Collins (of Dynasty’s fame of course), Pauline Collins (Oscar nominated for Shirley Valentine) and Franco Nero (the original Django, before Tarantino unchained him). I appear in two scenes, directly opposite Pauline Collins, where we have civilised but intense exchanges, and as far as I know they both made it to the final cut. It will be on general release in the UK on the 3^rd of March 2017. I couldn’t be more pleased about that. Earlier in the year I took the lead in a short film, which I consider being probably one of my best performances so far (apart from TOTL of course, but I have yet to see it …). I am also due to appear in about 6 projects in the next 6 to 8 months. All that is very good, but on the other hand, I’ve been trying to break into TV and find a London agent in order to further my career on the back of my casting in a major feature film. But that proves difficult, and every rejection drags you down, and at a time when you’re already very low, it can be quite depressing. Then you watch a good drama like National Treasure, and watch an amazing performance by Andrea Riseborough, and you think ‘She’s soooo good…, it’s depressing, I’ll never be that good’. And that’s when doubt starts kicking in. Is there any point? I was asked to read a monologue last week after meeting the writer. The first time I studied it and recorded myself reading it, I thought ‘Well that’s shit!’. But then I worked on it, and on the night it went well, and got good feedback. To be fair, I’m not my best critic. I rarely like watching myself. And when other people tell me I’m good, I’m pleased and try to just believe it, but then think ‘Are they just being nice?’ Obviously having been cast by a top London agency, for a renowned Director to play alongside stars should be enough to reassure me, but it’s not. I think the problem is that it can be such a slow industry at times, you have too much time to think and unfortunately it’s usually spent dwelling on negative thoughts, because as I said when I started, the lows are much more frequent than the highs. I filmed a short film last week-end, shooting another this week-end, due to read a lead part in a Feature film table read in a few weeks, and have at least 2 projects lined-up for 2017 already (one medium length film and one feature film). I’ve just been contacted to see if I would be interested in taking part in a French version of the Tempest next summer, and I’ve started writing scripts, one of which was read last week in a workshop and got good feedback. Oh, yes, and I’m self-taping tomorrow to take part in a well-known period British TV series. Looking at it like that, it doesn’t look too bad, and it’s definitely moving in the right direction. I just have to stay positive and re-read these last few lines when Doubt is knocking at the door again... Obviously I’m not going to give up! Thanks for reading!

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